I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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