I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
