oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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