just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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