I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
