So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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