I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
