She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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