Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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