She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
