We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
