I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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