I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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