I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you will always have a special place in my vag
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
