Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
