If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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