I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
