with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
