No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
