omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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