If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
