Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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