im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
