I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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