I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
