so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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