shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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