we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
