dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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