i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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