Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
