You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
