is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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