So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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