I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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