you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
