He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
