she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
