Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
