Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
