I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
