The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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