i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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