Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Send help, water and tortillas.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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