I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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