i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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