I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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