made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
she peed on how many people?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
