His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
