My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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