I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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