Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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