I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
