she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
